Pictures

Most of the pictures that accompany my blog, with the exception of the slideshow, are taken by my beautiful daughter Hannah who is 17. What an amazingly, maddening, beautiful, frustrating, growing, becoming person she is. I love her dearly of course and I absolutely am her number one admirer. I am proudly envious of her beauty, her strength, her sass, her talent, her unstoppable confidence but at the same time terribly frustrated at times at her inability to follow through and her lack of confidence in herself. But she is 17. And she is my daughter. I love her, more than I know.

FOR WARMTH

by Thich Nhat Hanh

I hold my face between my hands
no I am not crying
I hold my face between my hands
to keep my loneliness warm
two hands protecting
two hands nourishing
two hands to prevent
my soul from leaving me
in anger

I love this poem. While I am not buddhist, nor do I necessarily think buddhism will lead to Christ, Brother Thicht Nhat Hanh exudes much gentleness and peace when he speaks and that I respect. I also respect his point of view and his perspective on life and how it is lived. It is very much in line with how Christ taught us to live and how a life without suffering is not a realistic expectation. We live in a world where suffering is prevented at all cost and if we are presented with an opportunity to suffer we work as quickly as possible to remove the suffering from the picture and never look deeply into or embrace the suffering. We miss many opportunities for growth this way. There is no learning without suffering. No compassion. No forgiveness.

The poem above does not necessarily deal with suffering but it does speak of how to refrain from acting in anger, on how to feel what you are feeling, acknowledging it, holding it and when you are done, there is no anger. Only peace.

No matter what, I want my initial response to whatever happens in my life to be like Job's. When word reached his ears that he had lost everything; his children, his livestock, his houses, his servants (except the ones bearing the bad news) all through various means from collapsed buildings to outright murder by fire and sword, his first response was to fall to the ground in worship and say "Naked I came from my mother's womb and naked I will depart, the Lord gave and the Lord has taken away, blessed be the name of the Lord." Job 1:21. It was the perfect first response to unspeakable horror that had occurred in his life. He was in shock and just acknowledged God out of instinct and trust as he had been accustomed to doing his whole life. His response was a testimony to his habits and his lifestyle. He then spent the next 40 some chapters alternating between questioning, trusting and at times downright agonizing. I believe that God let us share in part of Job's grieving and healing process which I am sure took years. During one of his most profound moments of complete trust in his God, he says this; " I know that my Redeemer lives and that in the end He will stand upon the earth. And after my skin has been destroyed, yet in my flesh I will see God; I myself will see Him with my own eyes-I, not another. How my heart yearns within me." Job 19:25-27. I wonder if Job started those words with a weary tone, maybe tired of the grief, tired of the tears, but finding the strength to stand on what he knew of his Friend and Creator. Maybe his voice started weak but as he spoke, he began to believe what he was saying and God took this opportunity as Job spoke in faith, to strengthen him so by the time he got to the end of this statement his voice was strong and steady and he knew he believed everything he was saying because he knew Who he was talking about.

Job was being questioned by 3 friends during this dark time of his life. you would think that God would bring friends that had a little more compassion than these 3 seemed to have most of the time but I'm sure it was what God planned because it made Job take a good hard look himself. It made him question his motives, his actions, his heart and to really look at his relationship with God. God knew Job well. He said to Satan in Job 1:18; "Have you considered my servant Job? There is no one on earth like him; he is blameless and upright, a man who fears God and shuns evil. " So God knew Job, but how well did Job know himself? How well did he know how much God loved him and how much he loved God? How acquainted was he with the greatness of God and the power of the Almighty? By the end of Job, Job is a changed man and his friends are silent. Job never hated God, he didn't curse God (even though his wife encouraged him to). His faith in God and his steady relationship with God enabled him to say in Job 23:10; "He knows the way that I take; when He has tested me, I will come forth as gold. My feet have closely followed His steps; I have kept to His way without turning aside. I have not departed from the commands of His lips. I have treasured the words of His mouth more than my daily bread. " It surely was a time of testing for Job. God also took the opportunity to show Job a side of Himself that Job wasn't so familiar with; a side that terrified Job. "That is why I am terrified before him; when I think of all this, I fear him. God has made my heart faint; the Almighty has terrified me. Yet I am not silenced by the darkness, by the thick darkness that covers my face." Job 23:15-17. Ironically but purposefully, this was written after Job's statement that he had closely followed God and not departed from His commands. By faith Job clung to what he knew about God, to the relationship he had established long ago with God. In the end all was restored to Job; double what he lost and I'm sure that covered spiritually as well. In fact God made sure His relationship with Job had been not only raked over the coals, but made sure the foundation was as solid as it had been before all this took place in Job's life, and then he restored all the physical things Job lost. Job proved not only to God, but to his friends and even Satan that he truly loved God. His relationship with God was built on rock and that no matter what happened to him, he was going to and he did cling to his beloved Redeemer and never turn away.

There are times I feel like my life is part of a huge science project; God's science project. I did not create myself, nor did I put myself on this earth at this time. Job 33:4 says "The Spirit of God has made me, the breath of the Almighty gives me life." I am in the hands and at the mercy of my Creator and there is no other place I'd rather be. Nothing that I have is mine. Why? Because if it was truly "mine" it would be mine forever. The only thing that is mine is God because He can't be taken away an my soul is truly His because of His mercy and His love for me and His promises.

I cannot begin to understand the magnitude of who God is and I don't think I know Him as well as I think I do (and certainly not as well as He knows me, that's a whole new blog in itself) but I know that God is consistent. I know that He does not lie, I know that He does care for all He has made because He says in Psalm 145:17 says; "The LORD is righteous in all his ways and loving toward all he has made." His love is unfailing.

As I said at the beginning; No matter what, I want my initial response to whatever happens in my life to be like Job's. The more I think about God, the more I read about Him, the more I realize I know nothing. The more I realize how incredibly insignificant I am. Strangely this does not depress me but fills me with awe. I am amazed. Job has this to say about God; "And these are but the outer fringe of His works, how faint the whisper we hear of Him! Who then can understand the thunder of His power?" Job 26:14. That I haven't been flicked off the face of the earth like an annoying fly is amazing. And I am grateful. And I am in love.