Final Week!

Well, I'm finally ready to post my final responses. Took me awhile, but here I is.

On a scale of 1 to 10; how big a part has fear played in my life?

Oh, about a 12, and that's being conservative. I have been fearful since childhood, and am so happy to be given some tools to disarm the enemy. (Oh, I know the scriptures, but haven't trusted that they are for me too! I only thought I was worthy of all the "God hates Divorce" ones and the "unpardonable sin" ones... oh wretched woman am I). What's kind of funny in a sick way is that I seem to have viewed fear as an insurance policy of sorts. If I fear it and keep it at the forefront of my thoughts, it won't happen, or at least I won't be surprised when it does. That sure enough is some pretty crazy thinking, and it sure has wasted a lot of time. But I'm so glad to not only be shown the error of my thinking but to know I'm not alone in it and to be given some other stuff to think about, mostly God.

As I read through this chapter, 3 things resonated with me.
1. On page 324. The paragraph that talks about the enemy. "Once he pinpoints our emotional Achilles' heel, he draws back the bow and aims the poisonous dart straight at it. He figures out what we're most afraid of, and then he taunts us unmercifully with expert marksmanship". I don't like that I've been running around for 46 years looking like a giant ad for Target; a big red target right smack in the middle of my forehead. Thanks for pointing that out Beth because now, armed with that knowledge and the Word/sword of God I will cease to be a target. At least not in fear. God will deal with other things as they come along I'm sure but disarming that one disarms just about everything. I'm so excited about this. (I thought of Droopy when I wrote that, remember him? "I'm so happy" as he never changed that sad droopy expression).

2. Fear is a colossal waste of time. (page 323) This one hurt. I'll bet I've wasted years worrying and being fearful of things that didn't come to pass, or that did but turned out to be nothing significant. I have imagined horrors beyond horrors; deaths or my kids or husband, torturing's of myself or my kids (this one only applies if we're here during tribulation, which I'm still not sure about), losing limbs, going completely deaf, going blind (choosing which will be worse), becoming physically paralyzed, husband will leave me for a young blond with implants, gaining 300 pounds, going insane during menopause (one hears stories you know). You name it, I've imagined it and lived in fear of it. I call it my WCS thinking. (worst case scenario). But I haven't thought it completely through to the other side and how God will take care of me. Of how He will provide the correct amount of grace and strength for each step I take and each decision I make should one of these fears come to pass. I have seen Him do this for me time after time and one would think I would have learned a little something about my beloved Savior by now. And I have, but I have since reading this book, learned a whole lot more about my beloved Savior.
3. The 3rd thing that really stood out to me begins on page 323; "I used to think that the essence of trusting God was trusting that He wouldn't allow my fears to become realities. Without realizing it, I mostly trusted God to do what I told Him. If He didn't, I was thrown for a total loop." I will no longer trust God to do what I want (or don't want) Him to do, I will trust God. Period. I love this!!!!!! Yay!!!!!!!!!
I hear Aretha Franklin's song in my head "Freedom! Freedom! Oh Freedom!!!" Yes Lord, indeed this is Freedom.

The second question asks me to reflect over the journey as a whole, what lasting and of God will I take away from it? Everything I read and learned was totally in line with the Word of God and everything was lasting. I was able to start applying it immediately to my life. Just this past week I had an incident that a couple months ago would have had me firing off a retaliatory email that would have lit the internet on fire on it's way to the recipient. But because of God's mercy and what I've learned, I began to write a response, but won't send it. I've examined why I reacted the way I did and asked God for insight to the heart of the person who sent it and knew He wanted me to tread lightly and go slow because it was a wounded, hurting heart that sent it. Not that I need to do anything for this person, but just know it wouldn't be fair to just fire back. My security is in Christ and nothing can take that from me, this person cannot have my security, and I am clothed with strength and dignity. I don't think the person I am talking about can say the same thing so I need to rest in my security and trust God to handle it all. I mean to trust God. Period.

Week 8

Chapter 13 drained me and got so to the point of things that I was left feeling discouraged wondering how the heck do I even begin to apply all that I am reading and learning!? But then Beth redirected my mind BACK to the Bible, the unshakable word of our loving Creator, where I was reminded that “this all surpassing power is from God and not from us.” 2Cor 4:7 I just need to be willing and have an open heart, He’ll do the work. Whew! But that’s not to say I’m still pondering things, a lot. Like exactly what do I say to God when I pray for someone who repeatedly hurts me, by lying about me and to me and is just plain unkind at times? And she never apologizes even when confronted! Avoidance here can only go so far because this person is also a family member and so I am required to be in her presence a few times a year. What kind of blessing do I pray? I do ask for forgiveness for my attitude but things still hurt. She is an emotional wreck, not so much an emotional predator (and thank you for pointing out the differences). She wears her emotional wreck around her like the cloud of dust that followed Pigpen in the Charlie Brown cartoon, but I’m tired of having her sap me dry when I’m around her. I need practical help here. Please.
Ok, on to this weeks questions.

1). BRIEFLY DESCRIBE SOMEONE WHO IS WORTH DOING WHAT IT TAKES TO YOU TO LIVE ABUNDANTLY AND EFFECTIVELY IN CHRIST.

Well, all my children, but mostly the 2 girls still at home and my darling 4 year old granddaughter. My 23 year old daughter is a mess; emotionally and spiritually and she is that way in spite of everything I tried to do right while bringing her up (including attending and being active in church several times a week, homeschooling her, piano lessons, youth choir, dance, you name it, I did it). She is now the mother of my granddaughter and it scares me. So while I remain in prayer for my daughter, I am active in my granddaughters life as much as I can. I want her to see what it is to live abundantly, what it means to have joy unspeakable, what it means to be secure in Christ. She is 4 years old and is a complete delight and lives every day to go to Sunday School. She will grow up surrounded by healthy aunts and grandparents and she is worth it.

2)HOW AM I PREPARED TO LOOK OUT FOR MY OWN GENDER AND BE PART OF THE SOLUTION IN OUR BATTLE WITH INSECURITIES?

Encourage. When a friend recently shared with me her plans to have a home birth with this baby she’s waited 15 years to have, I congratulated her immediately! She was taken aback by my reaction because she shared that almost everyone she told this to, told her it was a bad idea. I assured her that she is a smart woman capable of making good decisions as is her husband. So, reassuring someone where they are lacking confidence is a good way to be a part of the solution.
I have another friend who for a long time has been having a rough time in her marriage, even on the brink of separation. She is a teacher at a school where I work as well. One day, during what I knew was a particularly hard time in her marriage, I walked by her classroom and heard her singing a worship song with her kids. Tears came to my eyes as I heard her voice lifted in joyous and worshipful testimony that in spite of all the enemy was trying to do to her family, she still loved and was so loved by her Savior. I called her that night and shared that with her and she was so encouraged. So in spite of her insecurities, her life was a testimony to me and she needed to know that.
I’m prepared to encourage even when I don’t know how it will be received.

3).WHAT IS MY PASSION?

One of my passions is to give. To make my time on this earth count in the eyes of eternity. To matter. Instead of a vacation, to go on a mission trip. I was raised on the mission field and watched my mom give of herself to the point where physically there wasn’t much left sometimes, but spiritually,she was always strong. My passion is to leave with my kids what my mom left me with when she died; faith in God. She may not have always been the most compassionate parent, but where she may have at times contributed to my pain, she left me faith in a God who heals all pain, sorrows and more than makes up for sloppy parenting. Immediately after she left this earth, I cradled her head to my chest and through my tears, I thanked her for being a wonderful mom and giving me Jesus. That is my passion, to leave all my children and grandchildren with that same eternal gift. And also, while I’m here on earth, to be very open about my personal changes and growth, to become even more like Christ, transformed in front of my family, living it out in front of them, setting an example, being passionate about my walk with God, my love for Him and His love for me and them as well. I’m sure at about 3:00 AM, which is usually when I have my brilliant moments, I’ll think of something grand and glorious that I could have said, but you have 10:00 AM version and it will just have to do.

Week 7

“That’s New to Me” moment:

I did not know how transparent I am in my insecurities. I find that quite embarrassing.

How does a weak will play into my insecurity?

If I continue to give into my “weak” will (if it’s so weak why is it so strong?) I will continue to be constantly overwhelmed by my insecurities and will never gain ground through God and His word. I am so grateful for Beth's advice on page 257 to repeat ” I am clothed with strength and dignity”. And not just when I need it, but all day long in order to set my mind on truth. So eventually, the strength will be drained from my “weak” will and my will will be God’s will and then “when we decide to be strong willed about what God strongly wills, that, beloved , is the epitome of empowerment”. (page 244) Amen!