Monday, August 30, 2010

Sorrow


I had a conversation with a dear friend recently and during the course of the conversation she relayed a story to me. One part of her story that really stood out to me was the sorrow her husband expressed, even crying, over something she had done that she deeply regretted. His tears and his sorrow were not for himself, but for her. Because he knows his wife well enough to know the regret of her actions would tear her apart.
This moved me and I thought about it on Sunday morning as I listened to how Judas betrayed Jesus. Jesus bore no malice toward Judas, only sorrow. A 2 fold sorrow to be sure. Part of His sorrow was knowing that Judas would betray Him. After all the time they had spent together, after all Judas had witnessed first hand; the compassion, the justice, the redemption, the healing, Judas would in the end betray Christ. But the other part of His sorrow I think was probably even deeper. He knew Judas would never be able to forgive himself. He knew how deeply the regret of his actions would affect Judas. How in the end Judas would throw the money he had taken in trade for betraying Jesus, back at the priests in rage, anger and self loathing and then later go and take his own life. Was forgiveness available for Judas? Absolutely. Was God's grace still offered to him? Without a doubt. But Judas could not forgive himself. Christ knew, when He said in John 13:27, What you must do, do quickly, that it was the end for Judas. I'm sure there was no anger in His voice when He said those words to Judas, at least not directed at Judas. If there was anger in His voice it was most assuredly directed toward satan who had just entered Judas. But there was sorrow in His voice directed at Judas. Christ was losing one of His own and there was nothing He could do. For the Shepherd, who willingly leaves all His sheep to find the one lost one, this was heartbreaking.

I believe that sorrow remains two-fold today when it comes to us doing wrong. Sin is disobedience. Disobedience hurts the heart of God. When we sin, we know it. There is a sickening feeling of regret and knowing we are wrong. Sometimes we shove that feeling down, we ignore it, we even reason with it, but it remains sin. Eventually, hopefully sooner than later, we acknowledge it and then we ask God to please forgive us and He does, immediately, but then much to His sorrow, we don't forgive ourselves. We mull over it, regret it for a long time, ask God repeatedly for forgiveness. Those actions in themselves can keep us separated from the peace of God and from the friendship with God and from knowing God loves us. Does it separate us from peace, friendship with God and God's love? Not at all, but because we aren't standing by faith on the word of God, because we don't FEEL forgiven, because we have such a hard time forgiving ourselves, we often think we're separated from God. So there is the second part of God's sorrow. He sorrows in watching us struggle. He sorrows in watching us beat ourselves up repeatedly with regret over our actions, actions He has forgiven. He misses us.

Interesting to note that satan only entered Judas when Judas took the bread from Jesus. Judas did have a choice, but in a moment of weakness and greed, he made a choice that separated him from the One who loved him most and ended his life.

Don't let your mistakes separate you from God. Ask for His forgiveness, then by faith, receive it and don't grieve Him or yourself further by living in regret.