
Being loved by God is far different than any love ever. It's a love that cannot be earned. It cannot be purchased. It cannot be discouraged. It cannot be lost. It is forever, it is sustaining. It is a love that enables me to love. His love allows me to trust, to grow, and even fail. His love is the foundation of everything. Because He is love. Living loved. It's where I want to live. It's where I want to be. I am His beloved. And my goal is to live loved. Be Loved.
Thursday, January 27, 2011
Knowing
I recently found out that a dear friend has breast cancer. She will undergo surgery soon to remove the breast. Yesterday I found out that it looks like she also has cancer in her lung. When I initially found out she had cancer, I cried. I called her and talked with her and she expressed concern but more about staying down after her surgery, then the surgery itself. That's characteristic of her. She has 3 children including a pre-schooler so she's a busy woman. When I heard the news yesterday about the cancer possibly being elsewhere, I felt like I had been hit in the chest. I wandered out of the room I had been in and upon rounding the corner I saw this friend! My heart gave a leap and I went straight to her and gave her a big hug. She still looks the same, same gorgeous smile, same laugh.No evidence of the small monster C inside of her wreaking it's random havoc on her tissue and cells. She thanked me for the crazy card I had sent her and I told her I was praying and we went our separate ways. After leaving my granddaughter safely in her classroom, I headed home. I just gave in to the sorrow. I began to pray for my friend, for her husband and her children, I prayed for peace, for wisdom, for guidance. The usual things we pray. When I was done, I just fell silent and let my tears express my grief, my sadness about the whole situation. Then I just gave voice to what I wanted to tell God but hadn't, I said "I really wish You'd just heal her". At that very moment in time, I knew He heard. He was right there. The van was silent, but it was a loud silence, full of anticipation of what the response might be. Small things I usually don't hear became more pronounced; the tires on the road sounded sharper, a motorcycle went by me, the sound of it's engine cutting into the silence. He didn't say anything, but He heard me and He let me know He did. I know by faith that God always hears me, His Word says He does. But this was a different experience for me. I knew at that moment in time we were together and He heard me. He didn't say anything and I told Him I didn't expect Him to, He usually doesn't. At least not when I expect Him to. But He heard. I know.
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