Thursday, January 27, 2011

Knowing

I recently found out that a dear friend has breast cancer. She will undergo surgery soon to remove the breast. Yesterday I found out that it looks like she also has cancer in her lung. When I initially found out she had cancer, I cried. I called her and talked with her and she expressed concern but more about staying down after her surgery, then the surgery itself. That's characteristic of her. She has 3 children including a pre-schooler so she's a busy woman. When I heard the news yesterday about the cancer possibly being elsewhere, I felt like I had been hit in the chest. I wandered out of the room I had been in and upon rounding the corner I saw this friend! My heart gave a leap and I went straight to her and gave her a big hug. She still looks the same, same gorgeous smile, same laugh.No evidence of the small monster C inside of her wreaking it's random havoc on her tissue and cells. She thanked me for the crazy card I had sent her and I told her I was praying and we went our separate ways. After leaving my granddaughter safely in her classroom, I headed home. I just gave in to the sorrow. I began to pray for my friend, for her husband and her children, I prayed for peace, for wisdom, for guidance. The usual things we pray. When I was done, I just fell silent and let my tears express my grief, my sadness about the whole situation. Then I just gave voice to what I wanted to tell God but hadn't, I said "I really wish You'd just heal her". At that very moment in time, I knew He heard. He was right there. The van was silent, but it was a loud silence, full of anticipation of what the response might be. Small things I usually don't hear became more pronounced; the tires on the road sounded sharper, a motorcycle went by me, the sound of it's engine cutting into the silence. He didn't say anything, but He heard me and He let me know He did. I know by faith that God always hears me, His Word says He does. But this was a different experience for me. I knew at that moment in time we were together and He heard me. He didn't say anything and I told Him I didn't expect Him to, He usually doesn't. At least not when I expect Him to. But He heard. I know.