Roots of Insecurities & What is God saying to me

WEEK 3.
At one point in my week 3 reading of So Long Insecurities I commented to myself "good Lord, do I have to have them all"? referring to the roots of insecurity. And bless my heart, I do! From birth! Rejected as a baby because I was a girl, I was adopted by a single woman (rare in 1964)who worked full time and I was left in the hands of a very physically abusive Uncle and his timid wife, my aunt. Moved to Kenya at 7 yrs old,attended boarding school (lots more abandonment, bullying, rejection). As a child in Kenya, I was physically punished by my mom for being sexually violated twice, once by a visiting minister whose wife was with him on their visit. We moved back to the States when I was 15, I did my best to fit in everywhere doing whatever it took. I had baby boy out of wedlock and was told by same helpful mom (bless her heart) that no one would want to marry me now, so married Mr. Wrong, suffered more physical and verbal abuse once even going to the hospital because he hit me in the head so hard. I was blessed with 3 beautiful girls and later was mercifully released from that marriage by God. I went on to (by the sheer grace of God) to find and marry the sweetest, kindest man God created.  And after all that, I still have the gall to have lots of pride! I had a minister once tell me after one of my counseling sessions with first husband "I'm surprised you're still a Christian after all you've been through". I said "Are you kidding? Jesus was the only sane one out of the bunch!" And that's the truth.

1. Abuse is one root of my insecurities; verbal, physical, sexual and emotional.

2. "The primal fear that no one will take care of us". (pg 65) is another sizable root. I cannot remember a single time as a child that someone stood up for me, defended, or protected me.

I gained lots of insight about the roots of insecurity, mainly that I have so many and they're in big old knot.
I do love and was so encouraged by Beth's words on page 107; "Pride is one of those roots that God can jerk up in a second, we just have to pry our sweet little fingers loose". And since Pride needs to go before I can see the forest, this is encouraging and even exhilarating.

What is God saying to me during this? That I am loved by my Creator. He not only found a way to save me, He fights to keep me and that is amazing. He is committed to me and nothing can separate me from His love. And I love that Beth pointed out that God uses change to change us. Not to destroy or distract us but to "coax us the next level of character, experience, compassion, and destiny".THANK YOU!!!!!

And finally, her words on page 102 reaffirmed what I suspected all along; "He not only notices us, He never takes His eyes off us. Every now and then a moment of clarity hits us, and we feel known by something, Someone, of inestimable greatness". and then on page 103, "In the radiance of His greatness, we are made great".
And Psalm 139 just fit in so well.

Journaling on the book; "So Long Insecurities, you've been a bad friend to us" by Beth Moore