Pain

I struggle with upper back pain. It's a common ailment among those of us who tend to carry our stresses there. Yesterday afternoon, without warning the pain became quite excruciating.
I need to get a massage, but finances aren't so liberal anymore so I beg back rubs from my husband and use a Thera Cane as well as electric back massager. Normally all these techniques help but not last night. I was dreading going to bed because I knew sleep would be rough. Not sleeping through the night has been added to the increasing list of changes that are happening "because I'm getting older". Quite an adventure!

I fell asleep but sure enough, woke up about 2:00 AM, in pain. I wanted to cry but instead began to pray. I told God I know He is the healer, one of His names is Jehovah Rapha; the God that heals. So I appealed to His healing character.  As I wrestled with trying to pray while in pain I asked Him if there is a good reason for me to be in pain, could He please show me, if not, could He please heal me? He replied twice. He first asked if I believed He could heal me? I wanted to shout YES but I whispered it out loud so as not to scare my sleeping husband. Then the Lord asked me "Do you trust Me?"  Again, my response was quick and whispered; YES! I'm thinking I passed all the questions.. I'm on the fast track to a miracle now.  And then He asked me a third question. Really? Another question? But this one was unexpected. "If I don't heal you will you worship me from your pain?"  That question distracted me so much I forgot my pain for a moment. But I answered, "of course I will worship you." I immediately thought of Job 13:15 "Though He slay me, I will hope in Him; yet I will argue my ways to His face." Fortunately I forgot the 2nd half of that verse but I did quote the first half to Him. Though You slay me, I will hope in You. And then, I did go on to argue a bit with Him. I finally settled for a compromise; "do what You will, if You let me get some sleep, I will proclaim my love for You every time pain shoots through my back". He did grant me sleep and some relief and I did worship Him every time the pain shot through me. It did remind me of a game of Uncle... twist until you cry uncle. Hurt until you praise Me. But it wasn't.  It was and is a time of learning.